Last week Friday, we celebrated our little bug’s first birthday. The night before he turned one, Jacques said that his mind understands that William is one year older, but his heart still sees him as a baby. I couldn’t have said it better myself. This past year has been such a roller coaster ride that I can only describe it as one full year of grace.
Months 1,2 and 3
People have actually said that the first view months fly by. I disagree. I think they are long and hard and extremely tiring. The only reason people think it goes by fast, is because you’re too exhausted to remember anything. I also think that our baby was very easy when he was this young. They only do three things: drink, poop, sleep and repeat. I received so much grace and love and support from my family and husband. William was the reason I got up every morning, but the people around me enabled me to do so.
Months 4,5 and 6
Some babies get into a routine during this time, so this is the part where most mom’s think they’ve figured out the whole momming thing. Babies are busy and start rolling over, sitting and eating. You might take your first holiday with a baby, only to realise that you’ll never be on a holiday again. My anxiety flared up around this time. Is this normal? Should this look like that? When will this happen? When will that stop? Grace upon grace from my husband whom I drove mad every single day.
Months 7,8 and 9
Thought you knew how to mom, did you? From about 7 months, your young one will teach you differently. Teething, tantrums, and too much coffee. The once quiet, reserved and predictable baby you knew gives way to a little person with his/her own will. They want to move and talk but can’t. This might be an extremely frustrating thing for you but it’s also frustrating to them. It might sound weird, but I think I received grace from my baby during this time. Every miscommunication, tantrum, late night and injury was taken in stride and quickly forgotten about by William. While I struggled for days to forgive myself, my little boy got over every wrongdoing in a matter of minutes. This might also be because he still had the memory of a gold fish, but I’d like to think that he is a forgiving person too.
Months 10,11 and 12
I might regret writing this in a few months, but parenting suddenly became easier. I know what William wants and when he wants it. I know he says ‘boo’ if he wants to turn the light switch on and I know when he’s teething. I know when he’s getting sick and when he’s just having an off day. I know that I should run like Usain Bolt if it gets quiet and that I’m the fastest Sippy-cup-filler in town. By 12 months, you might not have it all figured out, but you get to know your toddler and he gets to know you too. God was gracious towards me during this time, even when I wasn’t gracious towards myself or others. Every mistake and negative thought was immediately covered by an ocean of grace and it’s solely because of Him that I’ve made it this far.