I didn’t marry my soul mate. The reason I say this is because I don’t think they exist. I also don’t believe that there is one perfect person for each of us out there. It might not be a popular opinion, but I like stirring, so I’ll share it anyway.

Imagine planting a tree in your garden, only to move it to another spot the next week. Then you realise that it doesn’t get enough sun, so you replant it again. Once its grown a bit, you take it out, and replant it closer to the other trees. And then you take it out and replant it once more because you want it to be more visible. The tree, however strong, will not grow and it will definitely not bear fruit.

 

Society makes it very easy to believe in fairytales and soul mates. It’s much easier to believe in soul mates than it is to believe in hard work, sacrifice, dedication and compromise. That’s why you hear some people say that they married the wrong person. It means that somewhere out there, you believe that the perfect person exists. I’m sorry to tell you this, but it doesn’t. Once you say, “I do”, you say “I do” every single day for the rest of your life. There will always be someone better. If you married your husband because of looks, you’ll soon see that there are people out there with better looks. And if you married your wife because of everything you have in common then you’ll realise soon enough that you don’t always agree on everything.

 

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage and we all endure heartache and disappointment even if you’re very happily married. You don’t get out because it’s hard. That said, I also want to reiterate the fact that you should choose your spouse extremely carefully. It’s the most important choice you’ll ever make. Make sure that your core principals and believe systems match. You will never have everything in common, but some things are non-negotiables. You should always agree on things like religion and children. If you don’t agree on them before getting married, you certainly won’t agree after your married.  You can’t plant a fig tree and expect it to turn into a willow tree.

 

In chess, you get to a stage where you play endgame. This is right before you call checkmate and there aren’t a lot of pieces left on the board. If you want to marry your soul mate, choose someone wisely, look at his/her soul, find out if their core beliefs match yours and then choose them every day after that. That’s how you marry your soul mate and that’s how you get to checkmate.

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